Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
