Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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