oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
