y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
