I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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