rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
my liver is dry heaving
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
