Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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