Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
