i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
