im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
