When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Everything about him screamed your future.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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