i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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