You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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