u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Randomize
