I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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