I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
