So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
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If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
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I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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