it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
