I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Randomize
