small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
