just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
