would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
no, he came in my armpit
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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