So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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