I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
