i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you win again, gameday.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
