covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
