I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
