Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
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