I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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