Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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