You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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