I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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