im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
