On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
