oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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