He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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