I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
