I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Come see our sink grown plant.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
