Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
