If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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