Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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