would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize