hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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