I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
