Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
