I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
