That's intense
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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