if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
i think my cat just said my name.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
