Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
