He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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