he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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