i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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