Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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