Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
