Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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