when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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