I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
