I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
