I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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