do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
