Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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