just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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