so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
