Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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