I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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