found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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