we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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