I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
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I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
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They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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