just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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