i barfeds in our rink
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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