We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I enjoy the company of your penis
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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