your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
