Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
