She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
