You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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