She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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