You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
