I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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