You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize