no, he came in my armpit
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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