I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
