Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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