belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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